Learning To Talk About My Mental Health

I’ve suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have had traumas occur in my life that left me with anxiety and depression. These mental illnesses have negatively impacted my ability to be present in my life, to be connected to people, to enjoy everything beautiful in my life fully, and so much more. I really do my best, but some days/weeks it’s just hard.

I remember as a child feeling like no one could possibly understand my pain, so I made light of it, I made jokes about the things that hurt to make myself and my pain more palatable. No matter how many times people offered to listen or talk I deeply believed I was a burden and I didn’t want to bother them with my pain. I didn’t want to deal with it, so why would they?

The older I get, the more I understand that our connection to others is the most important thing we have. Feeling seen,heard and loved - even when you’re showing the less pretty side of yourself - makes us feel worthy. I have fought my traumas and anxieties for too long behind closed doors. 

No one ever knew why I would shut down for a day, week, or month; or why I indulged in so many vices that numbed the pain but never actually did anything for me. Most people probably didn’t even know how bad it was, because the one thing I got really good at, was hiding it and pretending I was fine.

I’m now learning I need to share this with people, with my partner, with my family, with my friends and with my community. I need to be able to ask for support. I need to stop hiding the parts of me I think are scary and let them be seen, so they too can be loved.

Because when I do, I never regret it. It always makes me feel so much better and, more than that, the outpour of people who message me to tell me they get it, they feel it too, has made me realize how many of us are hiding our dark parts, how many of us aren’t sharing the parts of us that need love the most.

I am sharing this story because I want you to feel comfortable sharing yours. I want everyone who suffers from mental illness to know that we’re not burdens, that we can ask for help, we can be seen truly, and still be loved. I want us all to know how worthy we are. I want us all to know that our darkness isn’t ours to hold alone. We can talk about it, and share about it, and let it be seen, and I think we’ll all realize we’re far less alone than we fear.

Sending you all my love and know I’m always here to talk if you need.