Exhausted From Emotional Labor? Unpacking the Invisible Workload of Women

Our culture loves to believe that emotional labor is an unlimited resource that women owe the world. Well, I’m here to tell you that is bullshit.

Do I absolutely adore tending to the people I love? Hell yes.

Am I wildly passionate about holding space for people to feel their big feelings? Yes, yes I am.

Can I do those things well and intentionally when I’m emotionally maxed out and feel like I’m drowning? Absolutely not.

I was in a long term relationship, 8 years to be exact, and the straw that finally broke the camel’s back, and gave me the courage to walk away, was the overwhelm of years of emotional labor building up to the point that I literally couldn’t do anything any more.

I was a workhorse. I kept showing up and putting in the work and pleading for support I never got. I felt like I had been drowning for years to hold us up and finally I just needed to stop holding him too and save myself.

The most frustrating thing? The emotional labor was expected of me. Not only was it expected, it was expected to be effortless and free. But what about me? When did I get to recover and be resourced?

I spent thousands of dollars on therapy, massages, fitness classes, traveling to see loved ones in the hopes that I could resource but the hole in the bucket was emptying me faster than my resourcing techniques could replenish my soul.

In my situation it was clear that leaving was the right choice for me and honestly that becomes more and more clear everyday in my new relationship where I too am tended to and loved, where we take turns providing emotional labor for each other so that we can work together to keep us not just afloat, but thriving.

Walking away isn’t always the right choice though, sometimes we need to have more clear and consistent communication with our partners or friends or family to help get us the resourcing we need. Other times, we need to add support in other ways by outsourcing things or investing in resources for ourselves.

So often we just expect women to figure it out alone, but the thing is we were never meant to do this alone. We were meant to be supported and loved and held by our community. That’s why peer-to-peer support is such a passion of mine. To help provide that community and support to you so you can make the right choices for you and your life. If being supported in this way feels like something you need, schedule a free consult with me to learn how we can work together to resource you.