Learning How to Befriend Yourself
One of the first classes I had where a teacher said something that changed my mind was in NYC at my favorite little Yoga to the People studio off 23rd st (it’s closed now unfortunately). The teacher started the class by asking us all the following question which changed my life:
This question blew my freaking mind. I absolutely would NOT be friends with that voice, she was so judgmental of everything I did and thought. I wouldn’t allow a friend to treat me like that so why was I allowing myself to treat me like that. I had NO idea where to freaking start. So I set out to learn HOW to become that voice’s friend, here’s what I learned along the way.
The first step is to become more aware. I was aware that I didn’t like this habit, I had to become aware of the times I was saying these things and what I was saying. There will probably be things you notice immediately - maybe you attack yourself for how you look or your intellect or your abilities, but some of these will be more subtle are harder to pick up on. There may be some truth to your thoughts, but the WAY they’re expressing themselves is destructive.
In fact, there is psychological evidence that being harsh on yourself actually makes you less likely to change your bad behaviors. I find it to be a lot more productive to recognize the ways you can improve without attacking yourself. By recognizing that you are on a journey, there is no failure just learning!
Ways that I try and be kinder to myself (and now you can too!):
When I notice my inner voice attacking me I try and imagine that I was my best friend and talk to myself the same way I would talk to them. Look at the voice’s criticism as space where you can improve, acknowledge it as an improvement you can make in the future and then let it go. Don’t harp on your shortcomings. Learning to accept but not attach.
Don’t ignore your pain/suffering but hold space for yourself in kindness
Smile at yourself in the mirror
Watch an inspiring video (this one is one of my favorites!)
Make yourself a priority. Do things that make you smile.
This practice will not always be warm and fuzzy. There will be steps forward and steps backward, as with anything but continue to show up and try and be kinder to yourself.